How do you start a story such as this? I don't know.
We were excited. We were happy. We were filled with love and expectations. We saw our little one and heard the strong heartbeat. We were in love. Two weeks later we would go for another ultrasound, routine for me. I would admire our baby's head, little arms and legs, his back bone, only to realize I didn't see the heartbeat, we couldn't hear it. The babies measurements were off. Heartbreak.... I never thought this would happen to me.
I believe God created our bodies to work in a certain way. We don't live in a perfect world and because of that we will have troubles and heartache, things will not always work as they should. I believe that God with that foreknowledge created our bodies to take care of things when they aren't going as they should. But don't be mistaken, my beliefs don't soften the pain. I still grieve for this little one that I already called my own. I still ache to feel his little movements, hold him in my arms, to nurse him late at night when I am completely and utterly exhausted. Each life is a gift from God. A heartbeat represents life and a stopped heartbeat represents death. My baby was a life that was lost too soon.
After seeing the ultrasound. I was kind of numb. I am so thankful for God knowing just what I needed when I had no clue what that was. My husband, The Man, was with me at my appointment. He immediately cancelled work and took the rest of the day off. My dearest friend cried with me over the phone. She lived at least 8 hrs away. She immediately started packing and asked me if I wanted her to bring her kids along or not, of course I did. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. My friend was pausing her life for a couple weeks to come and be with me through this horrible ordeal. Her sweet kids are such a blessing and made wonderful memories with my own. Words cannot express what my heart felt at that moment nor what it feels now each time I remember this time in my life. Through pain and heartache I can truly say God is good.
My friend did a lot of research and helping me get some supplements that would help my body naturally take care of things. The waiting for the passing of the baby was the longest and hardest wait I've ever had. Finally late one night it all began. My husband and my dear friend at my side the whole time. I am so grateful that I was able to go through this with them by my side and in the comfort of my own home. The next day we had a few friends over to share in our grief over the loss of our little one. People who truly care are the most beautiful thing in life. What would the beauty of a rose be in a world with people that don't care? People praying for me, talking with me, letting me cry. My sister wanted so bad to be with me, but life wouldn't let her, nevertheless she was a great emotional help to me. Knowing she had been through this horrible ordeal and knew exactly how I was feeling helped. She knew all the emotions and heartache that came with this and she could respond in kind to me. I am so blessed for the caring people I have in my life and I thank God for them.
Fast forward a few months. We find out we are expecting again!! We are so excited and yet try as hard as I may I'm scared. Scared that something may go wrong. I decide not to focus on fear, but on love. I'm planning for my little one. We see the heartbeat and hear its strong sound. I go for follow ups and the baby is growing perfectly. Off we go to visit family for Christmas. I see the faintest, tiniest bit of pink. My heart sinks. I'm terrified. I tell myself that this can be normal and maybe nothing to worry about. I still feel sick, awful really. When we return from my visit I go in for my 10 wk check, I get checked often due to my Type 1 diabetes. We look at the screen, this time I'm immediately looking for that little heart. I can't see it beating and my heart is once again broken. My first thoughts are a jumble of grief and why. There are so many emotions that came along with this that it is hard to describe and explain all that I felt.
Once again The Man and my dearest friend are by my side. My sister is heartbroken with me again and knows exactly what not to say and how to pray and cry with me. I was again blessed to be able to stay at home and go through the process. Waiting is so hard.
I'm still processing this and the hurt creeps up at the oddest moments sometimes. All things baby have become so hard to deal with. I see people having babies and I can't help but think "I should have my baby" or "I would be due soon". One of the things that is so hard is knowing the my last pregnancy may be this miscarriage. I feel broken and it's not something easily fixed. I can tell now that my body is all out of synch and I need to work on getting things balanced out.
I love my babies, all of them. The two I have not yet met, but one day will see them in heaven, and the 3 have been blessed to have with me on this earth. I appreciate them even more, knowing just how each one truly is a miracle and a blessing from God. They grow so fast. I am doing my best to remember this and enjoy every moment that God has given me with my children. I do not know how long they will be with me, but whether I have them for a few weeks or many many years, whether I have held them in my arms or no all of my babies are greatly loved and considered a gift from God.
He hath made everything beautiful in his time...Ecc 3:11
Friday, June 12, 2015
Tuesday, June 3, 2014
The Fast Metabolism Diet With Type 1 Diabetes - Week 4
Week 4, the last week of the 28 day cycle.
Monday Day 22 Phase 1
After so much fat on phase 3, I'm actually starting to look forward to phase 1 by the last day of phase 3. Overall I had a great day with stable blood sugars.
Tuesday Day 23 Phase 1
I woke with elevated blood sugar this morning. I did not take insulin with my bedtime snack last night. Oops.
Wednesday Day 24 Phase 2
This was about the same as before for me. I was hungry this time around. No battling lows. Yeah.
Thursday Day 25 Phase 2
I woke up with a low on this morning, but otherwise back to the normal phase 2 routine.
Friday Day 26 Phase 3
This was a very busy day and I can't say that I followed the diet to a t, but I wouldn't say that I cheated either. We were out all day and I did the best I could with what was available to me.
Saturday Day 27 Phase 3
Another good phase 3 day. Good blood sugars. I did "cheat" this day for dinner we had a birthday dinner out. I had fried flounder. Delicious! I didn't regret it and I didn't feel sick. It was one meal and I was right at the end of my 28 days, so I didn't mind at all.
Sunday Day 28 Phase 3
My blood sugars were a little elevated this day, but overall things were good.
My thoughts on week 4. I actually lost a little more this week than the previous weeks. So good. I have decided to take a break from The Fast Metabolism Diet and try some tweaking over the next couple weeks. I think the biggest things I have learned form The Fast Metabolism Diet is that I need to eat more vegetables and more protein. I will be using what I have learned as I moved forward with my healthy lifestyle.
Monday Day 22 Phase 1
After so much fat on phase 3, I'm actually starting to look forward to phase 1 by the last day of phase 3. Overall I had a great day with stable blood sugars.
Tuesday Day 23 Phase 1
I woke with elevated blood sugar this morning. I did not take insulin with my bedtime snack last night. Oops.
Wednesday Day 24 Phase 2
This was about the same as before for me. I was hungry this time around. No battling lows. Yeah.
Thursday Day 25 Phase 2
I woke up with a low on this morning, but otherwise back to the normal phase 2 routine.
Friday Day 26 Phase 3
This was a very busy day and I can't say that I followed the diet to a t, but I wouldn't say that I cheated either. We were out all day and I did the best I could with what was available to me.
Saturday Day 27 Phase 3
Another good phase 3 day. Good blood sugars. I did "cheat" this day for dinner we had a birthday dinner out. I had fried flounder. Delicious! I didn't regret it and I didn't feel sick. It was one meal and I was right at the end of my 28 days, so I didn't mind at all.
Sunday Day 28 Phase 3
My blood sugars were a little elevated this day, but overall things were good.
My thoughts on week 4. I actually lost a little more this week than the previous weeks. So good. I have decided to take a break from The Fast Metabolism Diet and try some tweaking over the next couple weeks. I think the biggest things I have learned form The Fast Metabolism Diet is that I need to eat more vegetables and more protein. I will be using what I have learned as I moved forward with my healthy lifestyle.
The Fast Metabolism Diet With Type 1 Diabetes - Week 3
Monday Day 15 phase 1
I woke up over 100 for the first time in a while. I shifted my aerobic exercise to Tuesday, because of Monday being a holiday. No low blood sugar this day. My numbers were not as stable either. I had a couple lows and then, a couple not highs, but higher than I would have liked. I'm going to fiddling around a little more with my basal rates and see what I can come up with.
Tuesday Day 16 phase 1
I woke with high blood sugar over 200 this day. I'm wondering if it is that the night before I ate dinner late after 8 or if it has to do with the sweet potato I had at dinner.
Wednesday Day 17 phase 2
My blood sugars stayed stable throughout the day, although they were higher than what they have been. I did not have high blood sugars, they were just higher than what I had been over the past couple of weeks. I'm assuming this means that my basal rates and body are at their happy place, that or I might be fighting off the stomach virus that my kids have had for the past 2 weeks. I do not feel ill, though. This is the first time during phase 2 that I was not hungry almost immediately after eating. I was not counting down the minutes to my next snack or meal. This made phase 2 a lot easier to cope with.
Thursday Day 18 phase 2
Off to a good start. My Jay Robb egg white powder came in, this made it a little easier to get my protein in. I battled a couple lows this day.
Friday Day 19 phase 3
My blood sugar was stable, although they were a little higher compared to what I had become used to. Not too high though. Strange enough I was hungry between meals and snacks on this day. I've never been hungry on phase 3 before.
Saturday Day 20 phase 3
I woke up with a low blood sugar this morning, but the rest of the day my blood sugars were good and stable. Again this day I felt hungry between meals and snacks.
Sunday Day 21 phase 3
My blood sugar was mostly stable with one elevated count. I'm wondering if sweet potato may have a bigger impact on my blood sugar than other carbs.
My thoughts on the week. This week held a few surprises for me. Not being hungry on phase 2 was really odd, but a nice change. Likewise being hungry and phase 3 was odd. I'm assuming this is due to changes that are taking place in my body and metabolism.
Here we go week 4.
Find my week 4 post here.
I woke up over 100 for the first time in a while. I shifted my aerobic exercise to Tuesday, because of Monday being a holiday. No low blood sugar this day. My numbers were not as stable either. I had a couple lows and then, a couple not highs, but higher than I would have liked. I'm going to fiddling around a little more with my basal rates and see what I can come up with.
Tuesday Day 16 phase 1
I woke with high blood sugar over 200 this day. I'm wondering if it is that the night before I ate dinner late after 8 or if it has to do with the sweet potato I had at dinner.
Wednesday Day 17 phase 2
My blood sugars stayed stable throughout the day, although they were higher than what they have been. I did not have high blood sugars, they were just higher than what I had been over the past couple of weeks. I'm assuming this means that my basal rates and body are at their happy place, that or I might be fighting off the stomach virus that my kids have had for the past 2 weeks. I do not feel ill, though. This is the first time during phase 2 that I was not hungry almost immediately after eating. I was not counting down the minutes to my next snack or meal. This made phase 2 a lot easier to cope with.
Thursday Day 18 phase 2
Off to a good start. My Jay Robb egg white powder came in, this made it a little easier to get my protein in. I battled a couple lows this day.
Friday Day 19 phase 3
My blood sugar was stable, although they were a little higher compared to what I had become used to. Not too high though. Strange enough I was hungry between meals and snacks on this day. I've never been hungry on phase 3 before.
Saturday Day 20 phase 3
I woke up with a low blood sugar this morning, but the rest of the day my blood sugars were good and stable. Again this day I felt hungry between meals and snacks.
Sunday Day 21 phase 3
My blood sugar was mostly stable with one elevated count. I'm wondering if sweet potato may have a bigger impact on my blood sugar than other carbs.
My thoughts on the week. This week held a few surprises for me. Not being hungry on phase 2 was really odd, but a nice change. Likewise being hungry and phase 3 was odd. I'm assuming this is due to changes that are taking place in my body and metabolism.
Here we go week 4.
Find my week 4 post here.
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